Last month I was talking to my dear friend and he asked what I’d like for my birthday. Precious friend was kind enough to grant my wishes (thank you again and forever!!): a pair of Rosuuri keychains, a shiny new TECHNICOLOR keyboard to blog with, and an artbook I randomly discovered with all the concept art from my old pastime… MapleStory. Flipping through the pages was quite a nostalgia trip so I thought I might share some of the more common anecdotes I gathered from my years of playing, but… typing formally about the happenings in a glorified chatroom felt too stiff. So to mix things up, I’mma try spittin’ this one in pure chatspeak (if Cory O’Brien can do it in print form, I can on a blog)
so first of all
i started with my friend from school and her big brother
my very first character was a warrior but i wasn’t feelin it so i made a mage
mage was fun except chillin with a warrior and a thief meant playing in some painful ass areas with my low ass mage HP
so her brother is all… oh just put some stat points in STR for an HP boost!
ok so you probably know there’s a few things wrong with that
to be fair, this was my first time playing a game that involved stat/skill allocation
but yeah… mages get INT not STR… but what’s done was done and thats how I ruined my first character off the bat (:
the 3 of us met 3 brothers, 2 were twins
one was real chill, one was nosy af, and one was right in the middle
so one day the nosy one was like “SOOOO WHAT ARE YOUR REAL NAMES?”
we all froze
without saying a word we were all thinking the same shit: yo… no one wants to share those details my guy!!!
but you know, think fast
i had an OC with the nickname “el presidente” and my friend had one that was a samurai
“oh, i’m elle”
and i can’t rmb what her brother came up with
but ayyy when your posse is on the same wavelength shit is ace lol
but yeah, remember this name bit for later
my two friends quit
i fell out of touch with the brothers
just my ass left but that’s fine just make some new frens!
the guild system came out so everyone and their mama was tryin to make a guild but i was like… eh
i joined a friend’s guild, it was him, real life besfren, online girlfriend, and some of his chums, some young lil cutie pies
being a total perv, i made a fair number of lewd retorts in the guild chat
dumb move… cuz..
one day i log on and its just the RL besfren… his name is Mikey
i’m like oh hi mikey sup and he’s like not too good so i asked him whats wrong
and he says lol
“i was cybering with my gf but she couldn’t make me com”
i was like…. ???!!!?!?!
like i really wasn’t expectin THAT of all things lol
so i was like oh… that sucks… maybe tell her what you like or sth?
and he’s like… maybe u could do it for me
ok tbh i was conflicted
part of me was like, tell the guild leader
the other part was like, don’t out the poor horny boy
and… a tiny sliver was like pffft i could probably get him off lol
but no we ignore those cues
i was just like ahh no i don’t really think i could do that, talk to your girl, etc
i thought about it carefully and i was like, i’m the lewd one in the group so he’s not gonna bother anyone else about this
and if i tell the leader they might get into a fight and they’re RL friends so it’d be worse
so i kept my mouth shut…
and he kept asking!!!
but i kept declining cuz i’m not about that life… whatever that life is
i quit mage after a while and got started on a bandit (who later became a legend tyvm)
and i got invited to this random guild
turns out it was run by some pissy low level lil… tantrum kid
kept whining and demanding people party him for party quest
(people didn’t like low levels in party quest so you either needed friends or had to beg)
i made some snide ass remark and he booted me lol
and someone in the guild told me he was still pissed afterward LOL
joined another guild
to get to the point turns out the leader was hacking on the side AND he STOLE some dude’s account
so yeah nope on that…
one of the top 3 guilds in Bera kept asking me to join
but every time they invited me a fight broke out on the inside and they’d lose another chunk of members lol
i was like… guess i gotta do this myself
so i got 5 friends and we hit guild hall
(guild npc looks like long hair Sean Connery js)
one of the dudes was noob (no like, he was pro, he just had noob in his game handle)
noob always talked about how he was blackamese (black + Viet)
i was like aite, don’t think i’ve met a blackamese person before, cool
kinda weird to keep talking about how you’re blackamese but to each their own
anyway his account got hacked so he made a new character
we’re in guild hall discussing what name to choose
of course his ass is like… “Blackamese!”
i’m like lol ok but you’re the only Blackamese person here so i must politely decline
time passes, he leaves the guild to try hacking, then he quits altogether to play counter strike or sth
me and my buddy are strolling thru Ludibrium when we see his friend
so we go up to ask how he’s doing
and i say something like, i miss our lil blackamese fella
and dude is like what? he’s not blackamese he’s pure Viet
he then pulls up dude’s photo from his online game profiile
indeed… pure Viet.
why u gotta lie craig… you don’t gotta lie…
btw speaking of Ludibrium
the Ludi release was one of my top fav moments in MS
everyone logged on and rushed to Orbis Station
and we ALL missed the fucking boat LOL
but then we all boarded the next ship
everyone traveling together and exploring a new world
i think thats why Maple oldbies never feel the same
the more you play, the more the sense of “wonder and unknown” is gone even with new content added
next… lemme tell you about this chick named khee
possibly youngest gold digger i ever met
but like, she was also greasy af…
so there was this dude J, he played a priest
one day i was like sup J, wanna train?
he said sorry, i got an appointment
that’s new to me… but ok
he explained he’s scheduled training slots with khee
and afterward i found out they were an item!
so i thought that was actually really sweet
J was trying to raise one of every character class so his money was stretched super thin
EVEN SO, he still gave khee any good drops he found… true maple gentleman i guess
problem was this other dude, also a friend of mine, K
K would flirt hell-hard with khee and of course J didn’t like it
so the game updates and the Wedding Patch is released
just like guilds, everyone is in a frenzy to join the fray
so i asked J, damnnnn u gettin married?
and he said he asked but she declined and said she ain’t never gettin married
…so u know what happened next right?
they broke up
she IMMEDIATELY got with K
she IMMEDIATELY married him
and still didn’t fucking live happily ever after LOL
K eventually broke it off with her even though it was a good long run
i was like dude, what happened
he was like, she wants me to come over to [her state] and give it to her but i’m in college and she’s only (16 or 17, I forget)
I was like yeah… teen poon not worth the risk
so she moved on to dating all the rich boys who were gullible enough to have her
and eventually left to play warcraft (LOL)
but before she dipped she made one last foul
J actually found someone to marry
and invited khee to the wedding
and she bombed his wedding screenshot
not photobombed, BOMBED. when the “shutter” went off she used her poison gas skill to cover the screen in a huge green cloud
she already dragged the poor boy and used him… and then got petty anyway?
then again i never expected much from her
this was the girl who made lolAIDS and lolCancer jokes until her father DIED of cancer and then she decided cancer wasn’t funny anymore and decided to police other peoples jokes
js.. i lost my grandma and 3 other relativos to cancer, i’m still not policin anyones shitty humor
i just silently judge them and keep it movin *sips tea*
(also yes. my humor is also its own brand of shitty. moving right along)
speaking of girls gone wild on maple
i’m still wrapping my head around this one
there was this girl named winwy, well real name Winry-Ann
at first win didn’t like me because i was close friends with the object of her affection
but said object didn’t want her beyond friendship
so insert unnecessary tension for a while…
winwy eventually found a boyfriend in the game
and they had an ugly breakup where the dude HATED her afterward
totally REFUSED to acknowledge her
i think it was around then she messaged me and i had to read the convo a few times to understand
because she said she had “klinefelters” and had to have shit done like hormone injections and have fat sucked from her chest
it really took me a moment, even AFTER googling for me to get it (i might have been tired)
but then she could have just said it straight that… she’s a he
klinefelter is some rare syndrome where your body doesn’t produce enough testosterone and it causes infertility among other things ~the more you know~ and s/he did mention not being able to have kids
but i still couldn’t figure out why he lied and said he was a girl and even started dating someone ELSE by deceiving them
the first person getting pissed wasn’t enough??
(i should point out a few things. 1, this is the viewpoint of a younger and less knowledgeable me and 2, this is also before anyone was openly talking about trans or gender-related matters at all)
the funniest thing is i talked to one of my guildmates and she was all
“oh yeah i been knew he was a guy”
turns out he has a blog that made it clear as day, that he’s a guy named Ryan
duped the shit outta me… aite fam.
time passes, win/ryan quits, i talked to them some time after that
i think it ended up being our last convo
and it confused me bc i can’t remember what he said but it prompted me to ask about the klinefelter-related medical care
anbd he was like “huh? what are you talking about lol?”
so… was the klinefelter thing a lie?
also i’m just saying. if he wanted to identify as a girl in the long run thats fine and i’d respect that
but if that was what he wanted… why even bother with the medical care to correct his klinefelters? (unless it was necessary to health/survival)
idk, man. winry-ann. guh.
so if you kept up with me this long (God bless LOL)
a lotta dishonesty went down
and it had some less than stellar results
lemme tell you…
honesty doesn’t work out either LOL
remember i said i used the pseudonym elle
i decided to keep doing so bc a lot of people got their accounts hacked
and someone told me it was bc they shared personal info with “friends” who gathered everything and broke into their accounts
ouch… fake info it is
had this friend named jason
he was an interesting guy
on the plus side he was like a kind older cousin i guess? looking out for people and always taking friendships very very seriously
on the down side he had a huge fucking mouth
like he could not keep anything in
ngl i got some nice hot tea as a result lol
but still… he really put peoples business all the way out there
even his “facts” about his girlfriend’s PMS was an open discussion, jfc
so yeah… idk what possessed me but i told this dude my real first name and said keep it on the low
i really don’t remember what prompted it
…just like i don’t know what prompted him to SAY IT in our buddy chat a day later
i was like… really mofo? really?
he tried to be like, lolol no one’s gonna see or know
but i was already clicking the “delete from friends” button
1 800 GIRL BYE
like who cares if no one sees, what kind of blatant ass disrespect did you just throw at me? i told you to keep something private so it becomes your shitty public goonery?
few days later i met a mapler iRL for the first time
we just went to have lunch and chat
so i told HIM my name since it was a RL meeting, but again i said keep it on the low
and i told him about jason being a dick about the same info
and he told me
so jason took it harder than i thought?
like, he hit the vodka bottle hell hard and got FUCKED UP!
i was like well shit, didn’t think it would have THAT effect…
but then he also said he was getting fresh with the Maple girls in his stupor
that i didn’t like at all, got pissed about that
in the end we hugged and made up and got along just fine
cos i refrained from telling him any personal details whatsoever
that’s apparently the key… lol
like with all things, my maple days came to an end
i was the top in my class in my server
top female in my class in my game
but i just couldn’t, even logistically
most of my friends quit
the few that were left only wanted to play with their guildmates
i could only level by soloing with the aid of double exp cards which had preset slots
so i was paying to play 7-11pm every night after working 830-630
do you see the problem here?
it reached the point where i was throwing my life at a game that didn’t show me any love
i got nexon’d hard, they randomly banned my credit card/paypal
and refused to give me a reason or support
(but charging through Steam worked so… proof it was horseshit)
everyone was cheering for me to hit 200…
…but no one wanted to help
my single protege backstabbed me
(fuck you forever Straybird, you eternal trash… i know what fuckshit you did behind my back too, i have nothing but ill wishes for your punk bitch ass)
i came back after the game revamped to finish 200 and played again for a while
but stupid balancing updates… ruined my damn bandit. bandit was the hardest class but easily the most fun… and they crushed my skillset.
plus as time passes the more my achievements are insignificant
no one cares about the first zakum speedrun, or the one party run, or the all girls run
the original horntail squad
i still like logging on and people going “OMG ITS THE BANDIT GOD, YOU’RE A LEGEND”
but do they know why anymore?
lemme wrap this up
when i made my guild i was at peace
no more stupid kids and their stupid whining
just a few chill, arguably mature friends
and then my friend comes with two kids in tow like HEY CAN WE ADD THEM? THEY GOT BULLIED BY OTHER GUILDS
i was really like ….. really?
how do i know they weren’t the bad guys first?
now i gotta babysit? TWO kids?
TUH… but he was my friend and we looked out for each other so i did it
turns out they were complete angels
and i love them forever
so i think i’ll send this to them
as i don’t think they know about all of my dumb antics in the game
i hope they laugh at my stupidity again…
listen! elle mama loves you! i’m so proud of you!
also LOL it’s my doing that Ievan Polkka is the Bera National Anthem. THE END!