Got Me Fucked Up, vol. 1

Back in August, I had to take my mom to the ER because she was having symptoms of a heart attack.

She’s fine, but at the time I couldn’t help but raise my eyebrow at a few things. For one, she told the doctor she’s usually quite healthy. She is… in spite of various problems. Naturally it got me considering my own well-being; I’m healthy but there’s room for improvement, and I’ve had the habit of bulldozing through things physically and mentally, until I hit a point where I can’t any more. Even as a kid I would wonder why my arm or leg hurt and hours later I’d finally look and see I had a huge bloody gash from scraping against something.
The other thing was my siblings. My older sister was pissed at our choice of hospital (the closest to us, which is also where Grandma died). My younger sister was pissed because she also wasn’t feeling well, according to my mother. My brother was comfortably MIA. I legit started wondering if the secret to a peaceful mind is being as stupid as them.

A week later was Grandpa’s birthday. He’s headed toward 100 with all his marbles in tow. I asked him the secret to getting so old. Without missing a beat, he said “You have to manage your stress. Stress is a killer.”

He can be pretty long winded so he went on about this, saying that there’s no point dwelling what you can’t change, and for the things you can, just do it and keep moving. However, he also mentioned not having anything to do for decades because he retired right on time at 65.

From this I came to 3 potential outcomes:
1. This whole stress-filled generation is going to die early.
2. Being one who bulldozes through the small stuff, I’ll magically live forever, unless the small stuff builds/catches up and does me in.
3. Regardless of 1 or 2, I have to live for a few more decades because Sujin Ri is going to be making games until she is 70.

I’m still not sure what the correct answer is, but I think instead of bottling up the things that bother me from the day to day, I should just drop them off somewhere. I considered a separate blog, a private social media account, this and that… but I can’t put all this extra energy into stupid shit that bothers me. So here it is, annoyances with no clear-cut conclusion for better or worse. An old TV yelling at clouds. “Enjoy.”

This Discriminatory Language Director at Korea Society Got Me Fucked Up

I like K-pop, Korean food, K-dramas, and the otome games of a certain Korean game company. Through these various channels I’ve been building up a fair amount of Korean vocabulary it made me think perhaps it’s time for some formal education. I’ve spent years saying if I could start my life over I’d dedicate myself to learning foreign languages, but there’s no accessible reset button to do all that. What I did find though,  is a language class with a date/time bracket that fits in my schedule, at the Korea Society. Let’s get it!

Problem is, I got sick the same week classes started. I wanted bedrest, but I didn’t wanna miss the first week of class either. So I put on a cozy shirt and forced myself to school. I walk in and walk up to the welcome desk and there’s a guy sitting there. He gives me my textbook and a handwritten placecard with my name on it. Next to him is an older woman with short black hair with a bright red streak in front. I asked her, “Is there a bathroom somewhere I can use?”

“Well of course there is, we have to use it too!” And she tells me where to find it.


On the one hand, I thought while walking to the restroom, I tend to have similarly sarcastic answers when people ask me dumb shit. On the other hand I’m like, was it necessary? I gauge where I apply said sarcasm. Or was I reading too hard into it? Nah.. that was definitely smarmy. So I finish up in the restroom and have a seat in the main area since I was almost 20 minutes early for class. There’s one other person waiting. The smarmy woman sits next to me.

“Hi, I’m the person who emailed you.”

“Jahee, right?”


We exchange greetings and then the shit slowly starts.

“What made you decide to learn Korean?”

I honestly don’t have a single direct reason and I didn’t feel like going into the aforementioned list because of a mix of ‘I’m Sick and Don’t Feel Like Talking More than I Have To’ and ‘Do I Need a Reason?’ So I said I wanted to get back into learning foreign languages.

“Korean is a phonetic language, you know?”


“You have to learn the material, you know?… we can’t learn it for you.”

I was like… “Yeah.”

I was sitting there like

But in my head I was like


Bitch, what the fuck does that actually mean??? Of course you can’t learn shit for me… that’s why I came to learn? Hello?

I can never wrap my head around people who want to treat me like yesterday’s idiot and try to achieve that by saying the most idiotic shit… and why?

No but really, that shit makes NO ACTUAL SENSE???

Casual reminder that of course I must want to learn because unlike high school… I PAID TO BE THERE.

Speaking of high school… I studied Japanese and Italian. Japanese got cut off after a year because budget cuts clashed with not enough students, but my scores were perfect so they allowed me to join the Accelerated Italian class which lets a 3-year course get done in 2. And I aced that too. So yes, I understand phonetic languages and how to learn foreign alphabets as well as how Romance languages work.

If that exchange wasn’t bad enough… other students came in and she did NOT question them on why they were there or tell them anything of the sort. Which leads me to believe she thinks I’m a fool because either
A) I look young so I must be on some delinquent shit
B)  she’s straight up racist
or both. Real talk, I can say that with ease because it’s nothing new to me.

As for the class itself, only two notable things happened on the first day

1) The reception desk guy came in to take photos of us. Normally I wouldn’t think anything of it but because of Jahee I couldn’t help but wonder if he was recording the class with a Token Black in it.
2) I happened to glance at the teacher while he was going over a worksheet and we met eyes, so he tried to shuffle the question order around before calling on me but he fumbled royally. He didn’t try any stunts in the second class though so hopefully he’s chill.

Thinking about the long run, not sure if I will enroll in the second course.
+ I still want to continue learning Korean.
+ I’d like to do it in an interactive environment.
– Don’t feel like giving that dumb bitch my money though, rather give her these hands.
– (so far) we don’t practice much interaction, we’ve been working straight from the textbook and CD.
– Class keeps starting late but this week it ended a few minutes early because the teacher finished going over the textbook unit and called it a night. Not really super impressed.

Hal the Horrible Got Me Fucked Up

I used to work with this dude, let’s call him Hal. Hal is fucking nuts. To make a long story short, we figured out that he keeps his money out of his bank account so he can stay in the homeless shelter. When is he gonna move? When he finds a sugar momma to take him in. When is that gonna happen? Close to never, he’s a talkative pest who looks like a cross between Doc from BTTF and Sideshow Bob, and the only piece of clout he has to hold on to is that he went to an Ivy League school (not that he’s doing anything with that education besides flaunting it, but I digress for now).

Anyway, Hal got fired for, among other things, making remarks that the workplace is racist. Not even sure how he got to that point since – as far as I know – no one discriminated him and, to be frank, he’s lightskin as hell anyway, all he would really need to do is chill and he’d have a free pass anywhere. But anyway…

I’m spending my afternoon doing laundry before work. It was humid as shit so after I put my stuff in the dryer, I gave an old lady the seat I was sitting in and went to sit on the single seat outside. I was slouching hard as hell, catching a lil breeze, playing MysMe. Someone walked up and stood right in front of me. I didn’t look up. They kept standing there. Say something, you fuck. I hate that shit. This went on for at least a minute because I was still playing MysMe lol. I finally looked up.

Of course it’s fucking Hal. I knew he lived in the neighborhood now. How? My boss who lives nearby saw him. Then I saw him a few weeks prior, going for a run in this 100 degree heat. And by run, I mean running along the edge of the sidewalk, smacking into every pole and hydrant in his way. Not like parkour with cool moves… just smacking into every shit and pushing against it.

“It’s so fortunate that I ran into you!”

No the fuck it isn’t! Fuck my life!

This dude… met a cashier at the supermarket. Told her about the job and that she should apply. So he told her he’d try to get someone to introduce her. And then he ran into my unlucky ass minutes later. Introduce her to the manager, help her get a job, she has a kid back in wherever-wherever.


First, you hated the job and got fired so why are you trying to get her hired there?
Second, why am I telling my boss to hire someone I never met? What if she sucks? Is that not on me?
When I add 1+2 it sounds like he found a cute lady cashier and decided to be her hero so he could slide up afterwards. I can’t be a wingman to this kind of bullshit…

“Why don’t you tell her to… come in and apply?”

He was hellbent on having me put in a good word for her so he gave me his email address to coordinate something. He couldn’t text me because I don’t have iPhone… which tells me with ease that he has no phone service and is using wifi-only to text people with iDevices. I respect the struggle with making ends meet, but not from someone who willingly stayed in a homeless shelter. Nah fam. I never emailed  him. He showed up at my job anyway about a week later. I hope he didn’t notice me because I sure as hell tried to hide when I saw him. I dunno why he was there but he might as well do his own vouching because I ain’t doin’ it. I gotta hide when I walk around the neighborhood though. Shit.

NYCC Got Me Fucked Up

They put a bunch of Sunday badges up for sale that they picked up from scalpers. If that’s true… sounds like proof that fan verification doesn’t work. But can I even speak against them? AnimeFest @ NYCC’s Twitter account blocked me after that one blog entry about them lmao

This One Friend Got Us Both Fucked Up

Speaking of NYCC. I’m still on the fence on this one.

Some years ago there was an MFC member who had a contest to win some NYCC pro badges. I already had my badge so I sat out but damn, pro badge, best thing outside of staff/exhibitor/press badges. She also posted about the film festival that goes down every July at Japan Society, so we met up there and became friends. After that she hooked me up with her pro badge every year, and the only thing she asked in return is to help her post sale ads on MFC – easy peasy. She also told me that one of the people who won her contest badges kept in close touch with her but the moment she said she couldn’t get her another pro badge, she got dropped. Fucked up…

So from time to time we meet up albeit rare, usually at the film festival, sometimes around the time of the con. She didn’t get any pro badges this year but to be fair I expected as such, as she lost her mom the year-end prior and I couldn’t imagine her thinking about shit like NYCC tickets with major life events going on. But, I was falling out of love with NYCC anyway.

Forward to this year, she confirmed she didn’t get any badges, but she lost her job and I think some pets along with her mom. I felt so bad and so worried for her. She has such a big heart and is so generous in general that I’m usually worried about her, more than I can actually express, but this seemed like much. And what could I do? She promised me some tea she got from one of her trips and I promised to make her some kkakdugi (radish kimchi) since she likes kimchi but I don’t have fridge space to try making napa kimchi yet. I made the kimchi along with a jar of tofu pickles as a gift the week that the film festival was due to start.

The night of the first film I was going to see, I was running late and rushing along with all the pickles in tow. I saw her standing outside and called to her. She already had her tickets and a reserved seat so she told me to catch her after the movie. I ran inside to get my tickets and one of the few seats left on the far right. This is funny because I usually sit on the left/center and she’s usually on the right, but I saw her come in and take her seat on the far left.

Movie was great, but once the credits started rolling I saw her get up and run out. I thought she was probably making a mad dash for the bathroom before the line built up so I kept watching the credits. Afterwards I left the theater room and checked the lobby. The bathroom. The exit. I couldn’t find her. I tried texting, calling, emailing. No go. I kept looking, then waited in the rain until everyone exited the building. She really left me, and without a word. I dragged all my pickles home and started stress eating them.

An hour after I got home I got an email. “Sorry, the trains are terrible and I got home super late the other night so I ran to catch it.” And she gave me her correct number, so I was calling/texting God knows who.

I didn’t even go to the following day’s movie because I was so pissed. I just said I didn’t feel well. That weekend I saw her briefly while I was on the bathroom line between films, Then she stepped outside while I grabbed an onigiri snack and once again I couldn’t find her. Left to go to work after the next film. Haven’t emailed her since.

Now I’m just stuck.

On the one hand, I think this incident is making me more cognizant of the upset I had been holding back. There were so many times I sat there trying to think of what to say in response to her emails to make a well-rounded conversation, to have something proper to contribute other than my own personal wails, and when I got a response it seems like almost all of those parts went unnoticed. In one of my last emails I suggested opening a cat café since she actively rescues cats from around the world and rehabilitates them. I don’t even know if she read that part. Even a “fuck that idea” would be better than nothing. So many things fell through the cracks in that vein and I just swallowed all that frustration.

On the other hand, I don’t want her to think I’m like that other girl who was only in it for the convention tickets. Given my gripes with NYCC, I’m not sure if I’ll ever need one ever again. But like, she decided from now on she’ll do better to take care of herself instead of giving all the time, and I respect that notion fully. I hope her personal relationships fall into that too because it’s been months and I’m still not sure what to say to her. Communication is best but I don’t wanna throw this on her when there’s so much on her plate. But then, what if I did and she glossed it over anyway? I dunno, fam.

Summer Magic Got Me Fucked Up too?!

Can’t believe these people are doing bullshit in the name of Red Velvet. To anyone from outside the Americas who lamented the rv-summer-magic website not shipping the special album and t-shirt bundles to your country: Don’t even cry anymore. Summer’s over and I’m still on my ass, empty-handed. Lemme give a simple breakdown for this one:

7/23: Album goes up for sale everywhere. I didn’t order right away because I wanted to see what the Limited Edition designs look like.

8/4: Album bundle goes up for sale through rv-summer-magic. North/South America exclusive bundles include the standard album and a t-shirt. Everyone in the Americas who already ordered is annoyed, everyone outside the Americas is sad.

8/6: The actual album drops.

8/10: Limited edition album + t-shirt bundle goes up for sale. Everyone who ordered from anywhere is rightfully pissed.

9/28: I reiterate that there’s no reason to be mad because I still don’t have my album. They sent me a tracking number, cancelled it hours later, then sent an email saying they didn’t have enough stock to fill all orders and I’d have to wait for 8/31. So yeah, how did you generate tracking numbers without having the goods packed and ready to ship? I emailed them on 9/12 and they said no ETA for the albums so keep waiting. Not gonna act like I don’t feel scammed at this point, and in the name of the five queens? Nuh uh.

This has gone on long enough so, ’til next episode… ugh.

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